Rough Draft
-Going through my old drafts...I forgot about this post from last fall.
This month I've been quiet online. And my brain has been riotous. My big girl turned three this month and as if on cue, we had two really rough weeks, like she was trying to grow to fit her age and found it hard. And in the midst of that, some new situations have popped their heads up, making me wonder what in the world I am doing and what "kind" of parent am I really going to be. Until now, parenting Darby has been safe and inside a bit of a bubble. We mostly have play dates with my girlfriends. These are families I know with moms and dads that have similar parenting philosophies as Dallas and me. For the most part, I've known these kids since they were in a belly and I know my daughter isn't picking up anything too funky from them, (maybe some cold germs, but you know).
Last month, we sent her to preschool. We have a lot of personal connections inside that school and it's pretty open book and so, I know for the most part what my kid is getting, (seriously, too much juice, but this is an issue I am letting go of). But still, it was the first time Darby has been on her own socially. And we're anxious for her to be okay. To make some friends. To be kind. To accept and be accepted.
And lately, we the grown ups have branched a bit socially. We're getting to know different people. And we don't know them that well, and we don't know their children. Our kids are playing together and my seriously overprotective side is lunging outside of my body trying to make sure my child is okay.
And it makes me wonder, "Am I going to be THAT parent?" You know, the one who doesn't let their kid do flipping anything? But geez, I hate so much of children and tween's pop culture right now. Even those damn My Little Ponies that everyone likes are sassier than I was ever allowed to be. And does every plastic creature on Walmart's green earth need to look like it's wearing makeup? Lord, dear Lord, please tell me what the deal is with Monster High? I know I'm getting old, because I just don't get this.
In the midst of getting judgey on a family with a TV in every room of their house, (except the bathrooms, everyone has some restraint), I realize that I have a ridiculous amount of anxiety about this that not all parents seem to share. If you are still reading this despite being offended because your children play with every above toy I mentioned or consider electronics in every room pro quo for a modern household, thanks for bearing with my nutty self. I'm sure my anxiety is part first time parent and part of my way-too-earnest-take-everything-seriously character. But I am super conscious of making decisions about what influence my daughter gets. And how much of that influence affects her? And is a little bad influence actually okay? I'm not trying to raise a saint here. I'm not trying to raise a kid who can quote Shakespeare but doesn't know that "Blurred Lines" was the song of the summer. I consider myself a mom in the middle of the extremes of parenting styles. I cloth diapered one kid, disposable diapered the next. I like to make my own baby food but I gladly took an epidural when it was offered. My kid got M&M's for potty training, not a pat on the back. But when it comes to my daughter's future, her character, her soul...part of me wants to go ape shit puritanical crazy lady. Like let's home school the shiznit out of this house and never turn on a TV again. Bring on the ankle length jean skirts! Obviously, not one of my better impulses.
Because, when I really center on what it is I want for my girls, it's not for them to be sheltered, otherworldly, perpetual virgins, (though that might be what Dallas wants). What I really want my daughters to be is well rounded and highly discerning. I want them to look at some one or some thing and decide if they are the real deal and if what that person or thing has to offer is right for them. And I know that that power, that type of character, comes partly from teaching and partly from experience. In the midst of my mental freaking outs this month, I've had this gentle nudge of thought. It said, 'be there for them, teach them gently, listen to them, love them hard. That is the best thing you can do.'
Balance kemosabe.
This month I've been quiet online. And my brain has been riotous. My big girl turned three this month and as if on cue, we had two really rough weeks, like she was trying to grow to fit her age and found it hard. And in the midst of that, some new situations have popped their heads up, making me wonder what in the world I am doing and what "kind" of parent am I really going to be. Until now, parenting Darby has been safe and inside a bit of a bubble. We mostly have play dates with my girlfriends. These are families I know with moms and dads that have similar parenting philosophies as Dallas and me. For the most part, I've known these kids since they were in a belly and I know my daughter isn't picking up anything too funky from them, (maybe some cold germs, but you know).
Last month, we sent her to preschool. We have a lot of personal connections inside that school and it's pretty open book and so, I know for the most part what my kid is getting, (seriously, too much juice, but this is an issue I am letting go of). But still, it was the first time Darby has been on her own socially. And we're anxious for her to be okay. To make some friends. To be kind. To accept and be accepted.
And lately, we the grown ups have branched a bit socially. We're getting to know different people. And we don't know them that well, and we don't know their children. Our kids are playing together and my seriously overprotective side is lunging outside of my body trying to make sure my child is okay.
And it makes me wonder, "Am I going to be THAT parent?" You know, the one who doesn't let their kid do flipping anything? But geez, I hate so much of children and tween's pop culture right now. Even those damn My Little Ponies that everyone likes are sassier than I was ever allowed to be. And does every plastic creature on Walmart's green earth need to look like it's wearing makeup? Lord, dear Lord, please tell me what the deal is with Monster High? I know I'm getting old, because I just don't get this.
In the midst of getting judgey on a family with a TV in every room of their house, (except the bathrooms, everyone has some restraint), I realize that I have a ridiculous amount of anxiety about this that not all parents seem to share. If you are still reading this despite being offended because your children play with every above toy I mentioned or consider electronics in every room pro quo for a modern household, thanks for bearing with my nutty self. I'm sure my anxiety is part first time parent and part of my way-too-earnest-take-everything-seriously character. But I am super conscious of making decisions about what influence my daughter gets. And how much of that influence affects her? And is a little bad influence actually okay? I'm not trying to raise a saint here. I'm not trying to raise a kid who can quote Shakespeare but doesn't know that "Blurred Lines" was the song of the summer. I consider myself a mom in the middle of the extremes of parenting styles. I cloth diapered one kid, disposable diapered the next. I like to make my own baby food but I gladly took an epidural when it was offered. My kid got M&M's for potty training, not a pat on the back. But when it comes to my daughter's future, her character, her soul...part of me wants to go ape shit puritanical crazy lady. Like let's home school the shiznit out of this house and never turn on a TV again. Bring on the ankle length jean skirts! Obviously, not one of my better impulses.
Because, when I really center on what it is I want for my girls, it's not for them to be sheltered, otherworldly, perpetual virgins, (though that might be what Dallas wants). What I really want my daughters to be is well rounded and highly discerning. I want them to look at some one or some thing and decide if they are the real deal and if what that person or thing has to offer is right for them. And I know that that power, that type of character, comes partly from teaching and partly from experience. In the midst of my mental freaking outs this month, I've had this gentle nudge of thought. It said, 'be there for them, teach them gently, listen to them, love them hard. That is the best thing you can do.'
Balance kemosabe.
Comments
Post a Comment