I Feel Pretty

"Special is a whole lot prettier than perfect." -Queen Latifah

So good, right?  I heard this today and found it so simply profound.  The point being, all of the little things; the good, the bad, the different, are our beauty.  We spend so much time wanting to look a certain way that we lose the enjoyment of what we are now.  And what we are is alive, full of stories, tastes, and longings that spill out and make us unique.

 

We all know women who are constantly striving, who have something special but don't see it.  You may even know someone who has been diagnosed with a clinical eating disorder or has one but is just hiding it semi-successfully.  Heck, you might be one of those women.  That striving without finding contentment is exhausting.

 

 

I found this quote and a really great article by Amber Krzys  here

 

Is that true of you?  It was for me and I was raised with a surprising amount of healthy self-image.  I was constantly told how pretty I was and how I would never need makeup because of my natural beauty, (thanks mom, but since you passed down your blonde eyelashes-that one just wasn't true!).  But...I don't remember any woman in my life being triumphantly proud of her own body.

 

"Do as I say, not as I do."

 

We know how well that works as parents. What are we doing that is speaking volumes to our children?    What do we believe of ourselves that our children are picking up on? What are we taking in, that we are then projecting? In the barrage of social pressure and media culture that we live in, the message of beauty as our greatest value is ever present.  We know what that beauty standard is.  It's a perfection of long limbs, skinniness to the point of starving-with a C cup chest size,  straight and shiny hair, perfect and perfectly white teeth, small noses, full lips...the list goes on.  Very, very few of us are born with all of those attributes.  But again, is beauty really only found in perfection?  Isn't there something essentially beautiful in just being a woman?

 

We see that particular brand of media perfection everywhere, and it's message is silently absorbed by us when we stand at the grocery line checkout, peeking at magazine covers.  Or when we turn on the TV or watch a movie.  Half the Internet ads contain the message of beauty as value.  So as parents, what do we do?  Some people go extreme, banishing all media influence and going the Duggar modesty route with long skirts and high necklines.  I suppose that must work to a degree.  And when I see all these little Disney girls who come out with eating disorders and prima donna attitudes, I'm not sure I'll ever get cable again.  But do I really want my daughter tucked away with no preparation for the real world?  Not really, nor do I want her to absorb any sort of message that her body is shameful or dangerous.

 

I think that's the real core of what I'm getting at.  Can I parent my daughter so that she is confident enough in her own type of beauty, finds value in herself without outside praise and can walk into the world and look at media messages and discern what is true and what is a load of bullshit?  That is what I'm challenging myself to do.

 

I'm pretty new at this motherhood thing, so really, I'm not sure exactly how to accomplish this lofty goal.  But...there is one thing I can do.  And that is love myself.  Love my shape.  Love my long, crooked nose.  Love my strong legs.  Love my big hair.  I can look in the mirror and smile at myself, admiring the lines and curves that make me me, not sucking something in or poking the rounder parts.  I can point out my stretch marks to my daughter with a hint of pride, that these, these are my little tattoos to remind me of the time you were a physical part of me.

I can say to my daughter, as Amanda King in this article does; "I'm beautiful!" Because, if my girl picks up my table manners, my speech patterns and my love for singing silly songs, doesn't it follow that she will pick up my attitude toward myself?
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I will admit, this doesn't come that hard to me.  I was raised to appreciate beauty in many forms and though I've had my bouts of self deprecation, most of the time I really like myself.  I struggled after I wrote most of this, because I know loving yourself doesn't come easy to a lot of women.  I felt kind of self-righteous putting this out there.  Many of my beloved girlfriends and family members were hurt growing up.  They were abused or date raped.  They had people poke fun of them at school.  The family around them who should have been making them feel like bold princesses tore their sweet hearts apart with cruel words.  Everyone has a story of someone making them feel less than perfect.  If that is you, I ask you for a favor.  Stop that cycle now.  Today, right now, find one small thing to love about yourself.  Find one feature, just one, and be proud of it.  Work hard to love yourself a little more everyday-to love yourself as you are, not as you would like to be.  Because YOU are precious.  YOU are special.  And special is a whole lot prettier than perfect.